Friday, April 27, 2012

Fire meets Fire.....(Poem for photos)


Villainous, he blazes out
from his cold, scheming couch.
Giant yellow torches, flaming scout;
herd all goodness into slaughterhouse

Bellowing tongues of gluttony
smack most matter to ashes;
to a sterile grey potpourri
of live skeletons and raw blemishes.

Chasing the world overnight,
he steals through treetops at dawn.
Certain of a triumphant fight,
he gropes with talons drawn.

Stopping in her pubescent tracks,
bare-footed she, watching, waits
for his now flickering, fierce less shafts,
that surge at her to annihilate.

“Who are you,” defeated he cried,
“To remain so untouched?”
She lowered her parasol aside
and blew his embers dead.

“We’ve battled since long ago.
yet your flames shall ever die so.
Stamped at my feet, ever so low”
She shone in unparalleled glow:
“For they call me Hope,
they that who know!”



Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Story tellers-Part 1



        All of us have unwritten stories within us. Dormant within the recesses of the grey cells in the memory area of our brains, they may never be acknowledged; let alone remembered or narrated. Digging into those neurons relives so many moments that my conscious mind had long forgotten and then something writes itself out!
       As a child, I had discovered that there are but a few adults who volunteer to tell stories; but coax anyone, and they would try for a child’s sake. And let themselves go! Telling a story to a child probably removed conscious inhibitions and brought out the childishness in them! Thus I discovered that the reluctant ones were the best weavers. They made up so much. Their unbelievable, shocking and amusing anecdotes added colorful wings to my imagination and flew me in a world of delightful make believe! One such tale spinner was my aunt who was in her late teens and full of romantic ideas. 
        “Tell me a story,” I would ask; both of us sprawled on the floor, beneath the fan, beating the heat of summer holidays and she would set off on a romantic journey. Wove Hindi Films in desi flavor! Most times about a rich boy falling in love with his sister’s friend! Years later I realized that it could have been her story (for she was beautiful)… but by then my imagination had added so many dimensions to that single thread that the theme languishes within me even today with half a dozen unwritten stories!
        And of the few adults who volunteered to narrate stories were my mother’s cousins. In fact my first memories of listening to stories is as a three year old, straddled at their waists, being told about the sad story of Punyakoti (Punyakoti was a cow, who for the sake of keeping her word, abandoned her calf and volunteered to be food for a cruel tiger) These cruel people would linger on the scene when the cow is parting from its calf and sometimes even start the story from there! And sure enough, each time, unfailingly, I would burst into tears; begging them to stop or get to the scene where the tiger dies of shame and the mother-son are united! It amused them a great deal that a story told so un-artistically could evoke such strong emotion in a child each time! However, that was the only story they could ever tell and thankfully, I grew out of them!
         In my quest for stories, I hitched on to another aunt who was very religious and a repertoire of all Gods’ stories and so much of mythology too. Every once in two to three weeks, she would come over and stay for a day or two. After she had finished discussing and dissecting all the worldly matters with my mother, she would turn her attention to me. That was my cue to ask for a story. In return for a story, she had a disciplining-plan up her sleeve…and of course,the same plan always! As we fussed a lot over food, she would try to ease it for my mother by taking over the feeding sessions during her stay.
          “If you do not eat well and in good time, I will stop the stories.” She would wag her finger. And then, she would sit on the threshold between kitchen and dining rooms, belting out episode after episode of Lord Krishna’s childhood stories, herself lost in devotion! And we sat all ears, with mouths agape, half eaten food before us and our fingers long gone dry!! A shout from mommy enquiring if we had finished eating got us all(my sister, my aunt and me) into correct perspectives! We would set about gobbling mouthfuls and she would come out of her trance! The scene then got shifted to the sleeping area. She began fresh episodes. I never let her doze off without completing the current story. For I could not sleep with half the story churning in the mind. So she would complete it and by the end, being caught in devotional frenzy, would begin the next one. So it went like the Arabian Nights…I would not let her stop in the middle of one and she could not contain starting another. And when it was past eleven, my dad would cough and remind us that it was really late, cueing her to stop. I would beg her to switch to whispering, which she would never oblige, of course! I liked her stories best when she dished out some rare ones or brought in a new character that few people knew about. These were obviously from the Puranas. (Religious Hindu texts) Her narration though had a heavy devotional slant with very little embellishments of elements of surprise or suspense…
        When it came to such elements of narration, my mother beat them all story-tellers! Her stories materialized from nothing and nowhere, and were snatches of insanely hilarious episodes which had no beginning and certainly no endings! It was a free for all, complete-the-story-however-you-want types. With tears streaming down and stitches in our sides, we would roll ourselves off to a good afternoon’s siesta. On somber days, she made vivid narrations out of bland newspaper stories. Kidnapped children with eyes gouged out on streets of Bombay , how a guest shot the poor server at point blank range for refusing to serve pooris (also in Bombay) and the dreaded gang armed with chloroform knocking out and robbing people...she gave faces, voices and emotions to villains and devised motives to most crimes and had us pitying the underdogs the entire week!
          My dad was less animated. For the lighter vein, he resorted to stories of Tenali Ramakrishna (Court jester to King Krishna Devaraya) which were his personal favorites. Most of his other stories were hero-centric and serious. He told us about Ashoka, Harshavardhana, Buddha and interesting anecdotes of Einstein, Ramanujam, Sir.M.Vishveshwaraiah... Brimming with enthusiasm I would look out of the window at the winking stars wondering what perhaps lay before me waiting to be explored and crown me with the Nobel Prize! Such was the impact of any story on me…it would take me to the highest possible highs! My father, like his father, had a limited collection of stories. But his other knack of consistency makes him a quite a passable story teller with children even today! For he can tell each of his stories, with exactly the same words, same intonation, same pause for generations to come! What my children hear now was exactly what I had heard as a child…no additions or deletions or change of emotions!! I have not just got his stories but also his punch lines, puns and morals by rote!! 
          Needless to say, I grew out of all the story-tellers around me and their stories by the time I was eight! Thankfully for my insatiable hunger for stories, I had learnt to latch on to books.
         My dad gave me his unused library card one summer morning vaguely indicating I could borrow books from The City Central Library (CCL). An hour later, I was on my way to the Library which was in Malleshwaram (a good 2-3 kilometers walk in summer sun from home). ‘Of Gods and Demons’ was my first book and I completing it in two days, I was back at the dinghy CCL. One book old, I knew I would never have to beg any and everyone to tell me a story from then on! 
Greater literary delight awaited me in the library the next time. Catching me desperately pulling out books from all shelves, the librarian came to me and said, “I suggest you check out the children’s section. They would have books for you there!” 
        “Oh! IS there such a section?” I couldn’t believe my good luck.” And could I borrow books from there with this card?” I held up the yellow card. “Yes. Now talk softly and be gone!” he had smiled.
          It was another dint of luck that the CCL was a walking distance from my school. We had now shifted home necessitating travel by bus. The only bus would drop us off near school by 10.30 in the morning and our classes began only at 12 noon. For one and a half hour, everyday, for the next few years, the children’s section at the library told me all the stories that I was longing to hear! The Lady Bird series, all of Enid Blyton’s and Fairy Tales series from all over the world were mopped in, before graduating on to Carolyn Keene and Franklin Dixon. The librarians knew me well and at 11.45, they would tell me it was time to go to school. Bookmarking the page, I would leave reluctantly, not before hiding the book someplace where only I could find it the next day! If the librarian was the friendly man instead of the severe lady, I even had the nerve to request him to keep the book separately so that I could come back tomorrow and pick up from where I left!
          But the government did not think much of updating and replenishing the children section and by the end of three years I had read all the books twice over and shifted scene to the adult section below, which also had not many books to cater to my interests. I suppose that for fear of pilferage, the library had very limited supply of Amar Chitra Kathas.( Delightfully illustrated Comic books of most Indian idols and legends)I made up by borrowing these from my friend. Her father had made bound volumes of ten books each and she had a collection of over seven volumes. But I had to sit in her house during the play hours in the evening and read the comics. Occasionally I begged her to part with one volume for one night and she would oblige too!
         With increasing academic load and a now-not-so-exciting-CCL, my reading got cut down. There were several instances of being with a Nancy Drew or some other book within my Social Studies book and it created such a hue and cry that I had to cut down and suppress my urge for new stories. 
           But school and English teachers were a valid excuse to read stories and the English teacher of course was my favourite in school. She had to tell us the stories before we got to the question –answers or fill up the blanks or match the following exercises. Most teachers did just that. Went by books and told stories, not narrated. But not Mrs. Nancy Varghese, who taught us English in the fifth standard. In one blessed class, she introduced a new person called William Shakespeare and I can never thank her enough for it. Discussing Shakespeare was not in curriculum, yet she went ahead! Once in a few weeks, she would narrate a part of one drama. “Antonio”, “Bessanio”, “Portia”, “Shylock” she would write while narrating and kept circling the names each time she referred to them during story telling! She managed ‘Merchant of Venice’, ‘Mid-Summer Night’s Dream’ and a little of “Julius Caesar’ by the time we finished class five.
           That was when I happened to lay my hands on a copy of Complete Works of Shakespeare that sat untouched in the bookshelf at home. A friend had presented it to dad and now it was mine! (It got so worn out that I had to buy a new one a few years ago!)Now they could not say don’t read story books. I had a ready answer that kept them quiet! -“The teacher taught us this in school!”
            Apart from the literary delight, Shakespeare’s knack lies in filling that awning gap of a live narrator in story telling! True that resorting to books did away with dependence on someone to tell a story and I could fill in my own gestures, emotions, interpretations…yet, a story has a different flavor when you sit and listen and watch the story teller than when you pore over the books and imagine what it would be like!! 
I discovered Shakespeare did make up for this shortcoming, probably because he narrated stories as dramas. And with his vast treasure of works and with the teacher discussing him at school, I had a guilt-free, parents-approved reading of stories at home! 
         But there is one other person who greatly influenced my obsession with storytelling and that was the Harikathe Dasaru! 
          The Harikathe Dasaru is a performing story teller. The stories narrated are called Harikathe (God’s or Divine Anecdotes- a very loose translation) The Harikathe Dasaru is a solo performer and almost always a man. A popular story from the Hindu mythology is chosen and adapted by the Harikathe Dasa who presents it to an audience with animated dialogues interspersed with songs! The venue is a temple premises and most often the Harikathe programmes are held during certain important days like the festivals and Full moons and some special Saturdays. 
         If you heard and watched a Harikathe even once in your life, it would haunt you for the rest of it! Harikathe encompasses all the creativity and craft involved in storytelling and it is indeed sad that this art form has almost disappeared today!
          My house was immediate neighbor to a small Krishna Temple in that street and little surprise that my tryst with Harikathe and Harikathe Dasaru began when I was less than five years old. Even as I mention Harikathe, my memory cells are happily at work, flashing the past….the garlanded Harikathe Dasa, his harmonium and the filled temple hall…the stories, his ‘taala’ and the mesmerized audience…. they all beg for a separate write up!....Story tellers-Part 2 !!!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Surviving Labor....Per ardua ad astra!


Lady Hardinge Medical College (LHMC) was perhaps the only Medical College Hospital in India which catered exclusively to women patients. For this reason, most people thought LHMC took in only maternity patients, though it had all other departments, of course. So, the Obstetrics and Gynaecology Department lopped off a whopping 70-80 percent of women seen here making the Hospital the Mecca for Obstetrics and Gynaecology training.
With over 30-40 deliveries in a day, LHMC hospital was more crowded than most crowded Government Hospitals in Delhi. Being only a cycle rickshaw ride away from Pahad Ganj, one of the densest populated areas of New Delhi, LHMC’s patient populace burst and spilled at its huge compounds…literally. For there would be at least a couple of deliveries every day, either at the hospital gates or just at its entrance doors. “Aagayi…aagaya…aayee, ayee…” (She has come..the baby is coming..I am on my way) the attending staff would rush, a delivery tray and baby towel in hand and a wheel chair or gurney in tow. And for those who arrived in good time, there were of course not one, but two delivery wards.
An hierarchy was followed while admitting women to labor rooms after history taking and examination. Any one in early labor (estimated time 6-7 hours hence) and with mild pains stayed in the AN room (ante-natal room) and were advised to walk around, squat and have light refreshments. When the pains increased and when we assessed they were due to deliver in the next 1-2 hours, the women got promoted to the main labor room with delivery cots.
The main labor room was a huge hall with a dozen labor cots…a la delivery dormitory!! The dormitory set up favored under-staffed working conditions though it did shamelessly compromise on patient privacy. Attending doctor to delivering women ratio was often one to four or more; and dormitory cots allowed us easy visuals of all patients in the room even as we sweated out at the foot end of the current patient. Besides, government hospitals could ill afford the luxuries of birthing suits or even cubicles. The women too considered themselves privileged for having graduated from ill lit homes or kitchens or open fields to the steel cots of LHMC labor rooms!
On most days the labor rooms recorded 100% occupancy and the other days it was 150-200%! I would never have believed until I saw and got used to the scene of two patients, strangers to each other, and awaiting delivery, sharing a cot in the ante-natal room! The two alternated resting on the cot and ambulating and chose to lie down anti-parallel when both of them wanted to rest at the same time! So that during ward rounds, at cot three, I had to examine 3(1) patient and then switch over to the other side and see 3(2)! Add to this their complaining about how the other was un-co-operative or a request to give them a cot beneath the fan or by the window (so that they could talk to their relatives outside or sneak in chai)…the doctor doubled as mediator, manager and monitor. Classical scenarios of one person, several posts…the scariest was when they thought I was in charge of the labor room and wanted to discuss their patient with me. I could not discuss, not because I wasn’t aware of the case, but because I was language-challenged. My knowledge of Hindi was limited to film dialogues, TV jingles and few simple lines of Hindi music lyrics…I hadn’t even learnt to swear and curse in Hindi, how could I explain all that passage, passenger and power things involved in normal delivery? Or detail the khoon, katna, dhaaga, ouzaar (blood, cutting, sutures, instruments) details involved in a cesarean section or forceps?
And so I avoided briefing sessions, relegating it my other colleagues, who were only too happy to be out, chatting up and admonishing at the outside desks than catching babies in serial inside the cacophonic labor room! For me the repetitive, limited vocabulary of ‘lagao, lagao’ (push, push) coaxing of the woman with impending delivery, offered a comfortable range of Hindi conversability. It also provided me with Hindi-observerless-opportunity to try out new phrases that I learnt daily-“Keelo, keelte jao,” (go on, bear down) or feigned exasperation-“Rani, mein toh chod ke jaane wali hoon! Kar tumhare marzi” (Lady, I am leaving you to yourself now. Do as you wish!) or, “aagaya, aagaya” (here comes, here comes) with a perfect Eureka flourish to the voice!! (I have still not fathomed why some of my seniors addressed patients as ‘rani’. It sounds so incongruous under such circumstances)
For a post-graduate in Obstetrics and Gynaecology (Obs-Gyne), the labor room postings made up over 50-60% of the total training. Of course, the postings came in broken periods of two months interspersed with posting to other wards like the family planning, oncology or general gynaecology. Even Obs-Gyne professors weren’t sadistic and daring enough to sentence a post graduate to over two months of continuous labor room duty! They knew they might face allegations of perpetrating suicide or even be the indirect cause of student-death due to stress and exhaustion! However, the hours of labor room work ensured that, at any given hour of the day, you could be sure to find us in only one of the two places-sweating it out in labor room or sleeping log-dead in the hostel room. Many a morning have I returned from night duty and just passed out-room door wide open and radio blaring. Only to be woken by a friend who would gently suggest it was time for the next night duty!
Apart from the labor cots, the neonatal reception/resuscitation area and wash area, the sanctum sanctorum was sparsely furnished. There were two backless steel stools, not meant for resting overworked butts, but for parking ourselves for the few minutes when we needed to apply forceps for delivering a patient. The only table was ancient and crowded with log sheets leaving no room for an occasional resting of head even! That left the labor room doctor forced to perpetually stand or walk if not peering, PV-ing (Per Vaginal exam) or writing examination and delivery notes. Slumped shoulders and bent backs, almost all of us lost weight during labor room postings. Eating took a beating too! Between resting and eating the latter took the second priority, simply because we were too tired to even eat, let alone cook! Mess and canteen worked human hours and no one kept food for labor room skeletons. Living off noodles (The cup ones where you just poured hot water and ate the concoction) and bread and fruits helped me knock off flab so rapidly in two months-something I would have taken over six months normally!
It was only natural that what little social life I could squeeze in as a weekend visit to my uncle’s house or an occasional movie would also be out of bounds during the labor room postings. However, I had to look for alternatives if I had to stop thinking, talking, reading and dreaming about deliveries! That was when I began to read romance! All my high school and undergraduate years I had sneered upon the Mills and Boon series as silly but suddenly I found myself scouting my friends’ book shelves for those very insanely unnatural books! I needed to resort to some fantasy amidst all the high tension reality of labor room. The other release was the radio cum cassette player. I even carried a small red transistor to play in the labor room. It served well as music therapy for the women in pain and the poor things were always grateful for it!
The working conditions worsened during summer months. The sanctum sanctorum became a smoke-less cauldron and the surface body temperature of the patients and doctors inside rose a good two degrees higher than the ambient outside temperature! Exiting out of labor room into even the 40 degree corridor outside felt like a cool relief!!
So it was then, that one hot and sultry June night, being handicapped by the absence of my colleague, I could barely keep standing or even sitting at three in the morning. The senior resident who came in for rounds felt immense pity. (Very uncharacteristic of her)
“I think you need to rest for some time. Besides, the two remaining patients are due to deliver after a couple of hours. Why don’t you get shut eye for an hour or so? I could hold fort. Or ask some junior to hang around.”I did not wait, lest she may change her unfeeling mind!
“Ok.” I said shedding off my coat and keeping my stethoscope away.
“Hey, but don’t go off to your hostel room. I might want you back if there is an emergency. Casuality is usually quiet at this hour. Rest there. I will know where to get you if I need! (no cell phones those days)
“Ok.” Even a discounted reprieve was a blessing! I hurried off not bothering to even find out who would be the junior replacement. The casuality was not entirely quite. The doctor on duty was attending to some outpatients and he acknowledged me as I went into one of the ante rooms. It was door-less and windowless and had a ceiling fan which worked sometimes. The single low cot that sagged at the centre with an apolegetic mattress with jute fibers sticking out beckoned me. Of course there was no pillow. I always tried not to register how dirty the bed spread was or wonder how many bed bugs might be lying in wait. However, I had to nap-wherever and whatever- if I were to get back to another 3-4 hours of duty till eight in the morning! At that time, someone had pushed a gurney carrying a patient next to the cot. The staff often did that, though they were not supposed to leave any patient unattended. The paper work for admission must have been underway and I expected the ward boys to come in any minute and wheel away the trolley. A pale looking woman lay on it and I was so sleepy I did not bother to ask her which ward she was being shifted to. (Besides, if she replied in Punjabi or Haryanvi, I would lose sleep trying to figure out what she meant!) Thankfully, she did not talk to me either. I did not have the heart to wheel her out and leave her in the corridor. They’ll come and wheel her out….I simply sunk into the cot centre and must have slept almost immediately.
It took me a whole groggy minute to return to wakefulness and register where I had gone to sleep. Loud cross-talks, shuffling feet, shifting….I could tell that an emergency had just come in. Looking at the watch, I realized I had slept for nearly an hour and was happy I got the whole of 55 minutes of undisturbed sleep. As I got up, I knocked my feet against the trolley.
Arrey! This is the same trolley..and the patient looked the same too! I was aghast! How can they leave an emergency patient so alone and unattended? What if something happened? It was by a professional instinct that I immediately put my fingers on the wrist of the women. It was dead cold! The poor lady had died! Oh God! I had death on my hands-quite literally! What a commotion this would kick up in the hospital! A patient allowed to die as the doctor actually slept by her side! I cursed myself for not talking to her or checking out with the doctor outside what this case was! The senior resident…Unit chief…Head of Department…Principal…Dean…Patient’s people…public ire…What did I get myself into? And home? What do I tell them?    
Damn this bloody fatigue and drowsiness. If only I had hung on till eight…I could have slept all of the morning, noon and evening! Reflexly I began preparing my defense…” Sorry, ma’am to have slept in the middle of my duty…” That sounded lame and callous rather than diligent… “I did not volunteer, sir. The Senior resident suggested I needed rest…” She loved her skin and would probably deny…I toyed with the idea of fleeing to my uncle’s house and then flying back to Bangalore….but remembered I had four more hours to labor. And two more waiting cases at the last count! God! Yes! He is my refuge! All my prayers began playing in my mind while I simply stood rooted, not daring to leave the place of ‘crime’.
“Hatiye madam ji,” (Make way madam) Two orderlies came in and wheeled out the gurney. I glimpsed a few teary faces beyond them. Was there belligerence and anger also? How do I break the news to them first? As I stepped out of the room, the relatives made no attempt to even approach me, let alone rain me with blows! They simply followed the trolley and beyond the main door I could see a hearse van waiting to be loaded.
It was then that the fact struck me. The woman had probably been brought dead or had died in the hospital even before treatment or admission. That explained why she was there unattended, while the doctors and relatives completed the certificate formalities! Only the dead were not fussed over in casualities! I was awash with relief! It was the only time in my professional life that I have felt relief at the death of a human being! Thanking my stars I made back to labor room.
As the elation settled, it dawned on me that, for a full hour that morning, I had shared room with a corpse! Saw the dead, failed to recognize the dead and slept next to the dead! What a zombie the labor room had made of me!! I stepped into the labor room just as a patient was about to deliver.
Even as I ran across to deliver the baby, I realized happily, that catching life was more fun than dozing with the dead! I wasn’t a zombie! It was just that I had so much of life around that I could afford to forget death!
(P.S: The logo of LHMC is Per ardua ad astra, meaning 'through struggles to the stars!')