Monday, February 22, 2016

Unbearable...



I bear my cross
unseen,
in the shrine
of a forlorn heart.
Unfathomed bonds;
startled emotions
in unknown hold.
In wilderness,
a helpless love
avows
allegience
aeons old.
Blowing across,
tears dry,
strung on unsaid words.
Will you ever know?
How unknown
mysteries of Karma
bear simple lives down...

Thursday, October 1, 2015

The Valentine mystery..



.


What do I love?
You?
Or being in love?
Or being in love with you?

What do I have?
The world?
Or naught?
Or a world in confusion fraught?

Who am I?
The someone?
Or someone
that simply went by?

Do things pass?
Or fester.
To stay,
and die, without an answer?

What do I love?
Love?
Or Life?
Or the life in love?


Belly button saga…




A bejeweled belly button is quite a distraction when you begin to seriously examine a woman for an abdominal complaint. (will talk about abs-tattoos another time. This time it is on 3D fashion) Most often it takes you by surprise for as the sheet is discretely withdrawn to allow examination, there it is, the gravity of all attention. I hope women do not notice my sharp intake of
 breath or a slight popping of eyeballs. They have been having it for so long that they do not realize there is anything amiss. But then initially, I would find it hard not to stare, keep poker face and stop the vocal cords from an involuntary ”Oh!” or “Hey!” But then familiarity breeds discretion!! Next, to avoid looking at it even as I palpate the abdomen, all the while wondering what if this woman needed a Laparoscopy where we must look into the abdomen by sticking an optical tube through the umbilicus. May it increase her chance of infection? I wonder.
Bejeweled tongues, eyebrows, lips are all there, but a pierced belle button is quite an enigma. I have seen Zircon/ ruby studs; silver rings and just a speck of a shining wink. Many years ago women went to plastic surgeons to get a perfect umbilicus. But now, getting it pierced not only takes the attention off from an imagined or really ugly navel, saves the Plastic surgeon’s fancy charges and captures viewers’ attention and leaves them wondering about hidden mysteries!!I have seen many women with twin jewels at the doors of the physiological dimple. It actually reminded me of ugly dental braces but then style, like sex, is in minds of people!!
Then there are others who, for some reason, take it off. Yet I know a stud has been there because of the scar and do not forget to confirm my suspicion. According to my assessment, laparoscopy leaves a better scar than a removed BB jewel, actually. Inspection-palpation-percussion and auscultation are the 4 modalities and sequence of patient examination that I have been taught and so a pierced navel is a must to be observed! I wont be surprised if a student is failed if he/she did not mention a pierced umbilicus( either out of embarrassment or excitement) if they saw one in their exam case.
As my wash my hands at the sink, another image embedded in my grey cells, I wonder how my male colleagues are coping with such an unsuspected finding…..how many dropped jaws and popped eyeballs….!!


The Buddha was lucky....




The Buddha said:
Shun ambitions.
School teachers fed:
Chase them!!
Buddha was lucky.
The people he left,
chose to free him,
let him;
and left him.
My world's more sticky.
Moorings to heft,
Karmas at helm;
Fortunes flit 
in fancies; at whim...
Tears and smiles
strange bed-fellows.
The teachers were right,
The Buddha was wrong. 
Ambitions shunned 
with nowhere to go;
make dreams throb
in graves of zombies...
Lives must be endured, 
living amidst lives.
Not exiled in jungles.
But the Buddha was lucky.
He could afford the jungles.

Castles of sand....





To lease this life,
and walk away.
Claim sabbatical
and overstay....
Between status-quos
and fast paced days;
orphan hours
will find their ways.
Will walk the track,
trudge the drudge,
and die the death;
-as unborn face!
Don't cling to me,Life!
Learn living 
In-absentia.
In silent sepia!
For
I may walk away,
claim sabbatical
and overstay...

Friday, October 10, 2014

COMA




COMA

            As a doctor, I sense a situation getting out of hand. Even before those final moments, I perceive the futility of further endeavors, resigning to helplessly watch the patient slip through my hands. Slipping, sliding into oblivion, into the arms of Death…letting go with dignity and decency. However, it would always take me time to get over (though not fully) the scene of my patient dying.
            …. And  now, as I am sprawled on the hospital bed, amidst snaking tubes and beeping monitors; as white linened doctors and nurses confer in hushed tones; the same sense of foreboding returns.
            I am the doctor-patient slipping into oblivion, into the obituary columns of tomorrow. I cannot recall the events that led me to this hospital admission. My lids are closed, yet I can sense, rather vividly, what’s happening-like a slide show on a giant screen. I ‘see’ a battery of doctors, all my colleagues of various specialty/sub-specialty/super-specialty attending on me since-I don’t know when. Strangely, I have a confusing sense of time and biorhythm. Surprisingly, it is not deteriorating either. Rather it appears to be gearing up for something else-something beyond my comprehension yet.
Coma-in medical language means failure of the patient to respond to deep external stimuli. It represents the end of a spectrum of human consciousness passing through drowsiness-stupor-semi coma. So, when a deep painful stimulus such as pressure on the breastbone or shin, or a pinch on the nail bed fails to evoke any response from a patient, it is medically classified as coma. And as I was just beginning to experience coma, I realized that coma from a patient’s perspective is beyond the medical knowledge.
            As a doctor who practiced evidence-based medicine; I saw, thought and believed that comatose patients were not aware of their surroundings. And surely I felt nothing too, though my colleagues were doing all the confirmatory physical tests on me. However, gradually, I began to became ‘conscious’ of other things less physical. My mind was startlingly wakeful and I was swathed in bright ethereal light as my senses were at their alert-most.
            It scared me that I could see myself thus. I could see my brain too! I see that most parts of my brain- the parietal, temporal and occipital lobes are paling and withering ….Those parts of brain associated with routine human faculties were losing all power. Yet, one isolated part was rejuvenating. It was the fore part of brain-the Frontal lobe. The actual functions of the frontal lobe are still medically undeciphered and a large portion of its function in humans’ faculties remains an enigma. Does the frontal lobe’s function actually begin at these times then? There was no way they could know because a comatose patient could never respond!
            My mysterious odyssey had just begun. I was journeying thro all the long-term memories. Transported through time backwards…glimpses of medical school, of infatuated adolescence, school days, my rattle and cradle and finally I felt the experience of being unborn. I was back in my mother’s womb and the consciousness of the foetus felt something akin to my consciousness now. I was growing smaller, engulfed by the womb fluid with the umbilical cord playing between my limbs.
            The womb was a strange place. It had a silence of its own. Quietness interspersed with unique sounds-the ripple of the fluid as I moved around, the distant sounds of my mother’s lung working and the rumblings of her intestines which were closer by. The walls were dark and the interior very warm and secure. I basked in absolute fearlessness.
            I grew smaller until I was finally a single cell. The next minute I was split into a rounded egg and a rapidly moving sperm! And suddenly there was darkness…..
            I was terrified. Was this coma for every patient? What was happening?  Vivid hallucinations? A scene from a sci-fi I had never read? No! This experience was for real. It was as true as my existence-or rather as my transitional non-existence! Nobody could ever know because I was in coma-in limbo! I could neither talk, gesture nor even move by volition…. trapped in an autistic body.
            I slipped into further disorientation and I knew not the time, day or place of my being. Rapidly losing memory of this life, I appreciated disembodiment. It didn’t scare me. I was blissfully naked-devoid of a physical form, sheared of negative feelings of sorrow, anger, malice, greed, impatience, lust and the ilk. Brimming with joy, love, serenity and contentment, I wished it would last forever. I could’ve died happily then!
Death? Death?? Who was this in coma then? Was it I? Dying? It cannot be, for here I was enjoying my current predicament, which was the anti-thesis of death. Who was I then? The doctor?  Or this me-Myself, in this wonderful state? I looked at the doctor’s brain and saw only the frontal lobe working. Activated at the time of transition from Life to Death. Did it hold the secret key to this Mystery?
            As I wondered, I sensed (heard) an unearthly, low hum. Gradually becoming a roar, it engulfed my consciousness (The identity now no longer myself or my being). The sound was inside and outside me and it was me. Simultaneously I began floating-drifting along, driven by an unseen current. The darkness gradually became a purplish hue showing long stretches of coral-reef-like structures. I began to wonder and immediately saw a sea of marine creatures-of all sizes, shapes and hues. I had never ever seen so many varieties before and the ones emitting light (bioluminescence?) appeared eerie.
            Thus, submerged in what I presumed to be some water body, I had a glimpse of the underwater world. I saw huge sharks, tiny fish and plants that were half animals. Gradually, the outline of every creature began to fade until only a bright Rainbow hued light was visible at its center. The lights seemed so serene, fearless and healing. Were they the souls visible to me in my current state? Was the light the Life? Was it the Consciousness? Was I also looking like a multihued Light right there in the water? The water kindled memories of the amniotic fluid in the womb. This was one large womb housing myriad lives. But where was the Mother?
            As I began thinking amidst the constellation of rainbow lights, I was suddenly thrust up and out-I was air-borne! Weightless, empty and floating; I was the feather on a bird’s wing and the tail of a kite-flying in abandon. The ether was around as far as I could fathom. I cruised past several stars and indeed even landed in one of them. It was a ball of fire and I wandered in it. The fire had its own thoughts-it was raging at one place and was soothing in the other. It was calmly burning now but became violent later. I swam in the fire basking in its moods. I climbed one tongue and as it licked the ether, I rolled off again.
            So! This was the ether that suspended all the heavenly bodies! The fire I left now-was it the Sun? Many stellar bodies hurtled through me rushing out to nowhere. This was all so True-so existent that I felt I naturally belonged with them! As I entered yet another phase of thoughtlessness-of just being, I found myself back in a territory, which I now found only vaguely familiar-the Earth.
            A kaleidoscope of scenes passed by-or did I pass through them? I was a poor Chinese farmer toiling in the far away fields, a battered baby in a European home, a semi-clad middle-aged prostitute on the streets of Taiwan, a black slave of colonial America. Several more glimpses-a Rishi of ancient India, a casualty of ethnic strife somewhere in Russia, the consort of an Egyptian Pharaoh, a wizened Eskimo dying of pneumonia, a designer child of two gay men, a crawling insect in a rain-forest, a crater on the Moon’s surface…and many more… What were these? Were these my past and future? Who was the real me? All of these or none of these?
            For now, I was trapped in this doctor’s body. I could now see her frontal lobe gradually losing its luster too and finally it withered. So that meant the crossover was complete. I was free again….

In Memoriam: Dr. Kalyani, a renowned city doctor died in a private nursing home late last night. She was in coma for the past five days. Doctors attending on her said….





Friday, September 12, 2014

Glue-less!!

Tree and climber at Auroville, Pondicherry

Memories cling
with sepia-ed fronds.
Plastered recalls
of hidden roots.
Yester times wink
through cryptic awnings,
as unbidden tableau
of careless timings..
Time see-saws
in relentless recalls.
Just this life time.
Mercifully,
yester lives slink
into welcome forgetfullness!! 

Disclaimer....!


Carbon foot-prints of Karma
womb to grave to womb.
Yesterlives stake claim...
The tears, laughter,
unwon battles, victories
aren't mine.
Identity crises
forgotten lives.
Today is now
this life is me;
Milking Life's udders
as Time curdles
unknown boons and curses.....!

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Swan song...


With a final tremble
the heart settles.
The lonely rhythm
echoes in wanton amble.
Deciduous hope-drops-
shrugged off;
roll away;
and vaporize
in unfathomable mists
Splintered rainbow dust
catches unshed tears.
A hand creeps to the bosom
Begging answers...
...What's wrong?
Misread Laws of Karma all along?
Lived illusions
of lives bygone?
Do souls' symphonies
die birth after birth;
or live as nebulous memories;
kindling to life;
most unexpectedly?
Most unwelcomely.
Most mercilessly.
Trapped soul and
 an emotional maze;
This life's song,
yester-life's melodies
ring somewhere.
Somewhere...
where
only I can listen.
None else can.
The heart must echo

in lonely rhythm.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Soul song

Music (Zentangle art)


Silence sighs
a million words.
Curdled in wait,
they unsaid die.
Cursed to quiet,
life trudges by.

Yesterlife chords
strum a melody;
Yet, unsung words
must hush their rhapsody.

Much unsaid,
hours fled.
A lifetime of silence
In ego bred.
Yet silence speaks
from souls undead!!!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Hold me...






Hold me. Lest
I stray into lonely oblivion
not wanting anyone but you.
Hold me. So tempests
rage quietly, as passions
lull and rise anew.

Hold me, sans adornment.
Hold me, sans attire.
Hold me for my elements.
Hold me, hold me true;
Hold me for my love of you…!

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Maya...



What do I love?
You?
Or being in love?
Or being in love with you?

What do I have?
The world?
Or naught?
Or a world in confusion fraught?

Who am I?
The someone?
Or someone
that simply went by?

Do things pass?
Or fester.
To stay,
and die, without an answer?

What do I love?
Love?
Or Life?
Or the life in love?

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Altered worlds....

Choppy seas...choppy worlds (Oil on canvas)


Somethings change.
Not unto themselves.
But
from our eyes, get out of range.
Stun a surprise; stay estranged...

Somethings cease to matter.
Not to themselves.
But
in my cosm no longer green;
in my bosom, they halt to mean.

Somethings cease.
Not matter.
The kindle dies
the magic flies
Somethings
were doomed to shatter,
no matter.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

In solitude....



Lone
dandelion.
Shorn
of petals,
blown
of ties.
Bared
soul
scorched
dry.
Sinewy.
colour bled,
sparkle fled.
Lone
dandelion
in lone
marathon.



Saturday, April 13, 2013

You did not die.....

This was a poem I wrote as a reply to a famous poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye and which is recited at memorial services. I have posted the original poem after mine.


Amaryllis (Chinese brush painting)

YOU DID NOT DIE....
I do not haunt your grave to weep
for salty tears are only eyes-deep.
The fragrances of your eternal breeze,
waft along, soaking fathomless peace.
The teasing rays of your endless sun
kindle darkest corners of an unhappy bosom.
The starlit night, the buds on boughs
flower memories of your undying vows…
Promises lost to oblivion,
orphaned, without an union..
Every single breath, every single beat
when not for you, is one onerous feat!
What awakening at dawn?
For I have never slept night or morn!
Not a single recall remains unwept,
not a lonely second passes unkept...
Yet, I won’t stand by your grave and cry;
For in my memories you can never die!!

And the original:

Do not stand at my grave and weep 

Do not stand at my grave and weep 
I am not there. I do not sleep. 
I am a thousand winds that blow. 
I am the diamond glints on snow. 
I am the sunlight on ripened grain. 
I am the gentle autumn rain. 
When you awaken in the morning's hush 
I am the swift uplifting rush 
Of quiet birds in circled flight. 
I am the soft stars that shine at night. 
Do not stand at my grave and cry; 
I am not there. I did not die. 





Monday, April 8, 2013

Sandstorm in Dubai



Since the last three days Dubai has experienced sandstorms.

Staying indoors till the late afternoon yesterday, I had no idea what Nature was concocting outside. Only when at five in the evening, when I stepped out for a short stint of household shopping to the nearby supermarket, did I realize what havoc a sand storm can create.

The light was an eerie white and the intense wind, albeit subdued, because of the highrises on either side of the road, concocted insane swirls of breeze. Inside my mind I could only imagine the banshee whistle that such a wind would have made in, in open spaces. Waves of white sand swept across roads in brazen jaywalk. The churned up warm air created a palpable stifling pressure...and I couldn’t help thinking about a porous self raising yeast flour-all warm on the inside and bloated on the out! From their parked cars to the insides of their homes, people rushed along, hairs and dresses flying, tugging and hurrying curious children or lugging shopping-laden plastic covers. Even the vehicles, some with early headlights on, had a sense of urgency about them.

Brewing is the perfect word for a storm in making. And that the word carries with it a threat of serving a surprise shortly is excitement enough! The city was covered by a blanket of haze. Gone were the skyscrapers! Even the Burj Khalifa, that is visible from outside my flats, was nowhere in the horizon! A hint of sun peered from in-between dense white-grey clouds. A fine layer of white dust has gleefully settled over the tops and bonnets of the spanking cars.

And by eight, the first smatter of raindrops lashed on the Earth much to the delight of the residents who stood at their balconies cheering and whistling at the rain and the clap of thunder and dazzle of lightning. The clothes lines went into a tizzy and dresses trapped fine sand into the pockets and folds. We dragged in the clothes stand and before long had fine dust all over inside too! I wondered how much of this fine silt settled in the overhead water tanks…no wonder people of Dubai, without exception, always drink bottled water and not the one provided by the municipality which ensures with all earnestness that water is potable.

Storms have a hangover, apart from the devastation that they leave. This morning was no different. Were it a holiday, the people would have snuggled in bed and kept indoors too. But they all seemed to have dragged themselves reluctantly out only to be welcomed by a smog clothed eerie white dawn. Routines never get disturbed here sandstorm or heavy sandstorm!

The raindrops had pockmarked the dust layer on car tops and had run down in ugly streams that had now dried up. Will take one hell of a time to clean the cars, all the while ensuring to minimize the inevitable thin scratches during the process, I thought as silt on the portico floor made walking slippery. Would women wear stilettos even today, I was curious and kept a lookout today. Yes, they did. Fashion too never underplays here, sandstorm or heavy sandstorm!

The hourly weather forecast on my phone read dreary throughout the day and it only matched my mood of the past few days. As if physical isolation from homeland wasn’t enough, the geographical eccentricities only heighten that isolation.”What would the weather be like in Bangalore ?” I wondered and looked up world weather. Only to find that today, Bangalore was hotter than Dubai!!Dubai’s maximum and minimum is 26/21 versus Bangalore’s 36/23 degrees! Torn between loyalties, I give a mental shrug!

In the afternoon, as I was being driven back on the Sheik Zayed road, where the minimum mandatory speed is 100 kmph, I purposefully looked for any tell-tale signs of yesterday’s storm. None. There were no sand heaps anywhere on the edges of the road, no fallen shrubby trees or hoarders…which again left me wondering-“When do these people do all the maintenance work? The roads are pothole-less, spanking clean even after a sand storm!”

And suddenly it catches my eye. As we pass beneath a giant electronic hoarder sign board, it says: “Reduce speed. Drive carefully. Look out for ponds of water.” I realize it is not just geography that needs orientation, my English needs to acclamatize too!!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Candy floss and middle age...



Age is not even a number for me. It is something that I count and re-count to ensure accuracy, while filling up the ‘age’ column in a form…and then forget till the next form! In between forms, I neither feel younger nor older with every passing event or day of my life! I could never associate age with ‘correctness of responses’ or ‘expected behaviors’. How can there be a blanket expectations from such a finite thing as a life span?

I haven’t felt age, for I have never acknowledged the supposed flip-flops of each time-span of life. The first and the only time I was conscious of aging was when I turned eight and my neighbors said I was now a big girl and was expected to behave so! As an adolescent I concurred with all the beliefs and behavior-patterns my parents suggested and hence there never was a generation gap. It must be that my thoughts simply concurred with the elders!

Or maybe I was a generation behind then and that would make me twice as old today than my actual age. But then this isn’t true too. Because at the other end, I am admonished as “teenager’ by my people at home for certain of my indulgences and enthusiasm over apparently mundane and ‘juvenile’ things! Must age limit not just expressions but also likes and dislikes? I love candy floss and cheeni parantha; dislike outings and am ambivalent about movies. I was so since adolescence. Why should I expect all that to change with growing years?

So then, how old am I really? And what does age and ageing mean?

I count age by experiences and events, numeric definitions be damned. There were or are as many bright teenagers as were idiotic ‘adults’. Growing old in numbers is very basic. I count myself as student-experience old or wife-experience old or doctor-experience old. How does it matter at what numeric age I go through these phases… that I went through them matters and that I added some understanding of life through that experience is what counts as ageing to me. Most phases like motherhood, professional life, relationships are not finite and I merely ‘age’ through them adding on more understanding. There could never be a numeric age for some other abstracts like love, passion, greed, sadness, hurt and such too…They are undying too persisting, evolving or abating through a life time…I could never get ‘old’ at these.

Just as travelling in Space fetches us to a distant place than the initial one, so also travelling through Time gets us to older stages than from where we began. It is an acknowledgement of the inevitability of Time passage and also an appreciation that the eventful journey between the time points is what life is all about…The in between stops can never dictate to me how and how not the responses to Life must be! I could be sagely conservative like my parents about dress codes or marriages and then, be outrageously liberal about religion and human relationships…both at the same ‘age’ and probably both unacceptable as not befitting my age!

As a seven year old, I often stood before the mirror for long minutes, asking of the stranger there -“Who am I?” That ‘I’ is what I have always been, irrespective of the physical and social changes along my time span. That I still stares at me and asks of me the same question-‘Who am I?”Only now I don’t need a mirror and now there are many more such haunting interrogative pronouns to the I question. ”Why am I?” “What am I?” “When (how long) am I?”

I may never find answers to any of them in this Life time-for what are a few decades along a Time span of billions of Earth years? Yet along this finite journey I have discovered ways to travel with less and less baggage. It is easy on the psyche and emotions-two truant mis-guiders along the unknown paths.

At this year-station, I am beginning a new lesson/ “Living with emotions.” I will not disown any of my emotions or feel sorry or even responsible. If nothing lasts forever, emotions can’t be exceptions. Or could be! Some may fizzle out, some get stronger and some may follow me to my grave. But they won’t make me. Harmonious symbiosis is the nearest they can come without each of us ruining the other! That is the gift I gave myself this birthday!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

My second sweetheart


(Vase's eight...oil pastels on paper)



The entry of another male into my life, that too within a year of our arranged marriage was absolutely unintentional. Actually-accidental, albeit coercive, if I were to be brutally honest. That my husband and I were residing in different cities, he making a weekend visit once a fortnight, probably fueled our passions and fanned the situation, catalyzing the inevitable. I must confess that initially I was very apprehensive about the trio-tango. I was earnestly concentrating on my post-graduate board exams due to come up in the next few months and as a new bride too; I could ill afford the attention and commitment that this new, evolving relationship was already demanding.

There were weekends when my husband could not make it due to his professional obligations and that left me lonelier than I already was. It forced me to look for solace in this new relationship. The recent association was threatening to eclipse my higher education also, by clamoring for more time and greater attention. I finally made a compromise by promising myself that profession-studies and my personal life would remain exclusive of each other and that my teachers and peers at the hospital would certainly not be privy to this personal information. I however knew that the matter would be out in future but now I preferred to live my life one day at a time, or rather a fortnight at a time!

However, with two flames kindling it, my life was ablaze with tremulous excitement! And certainly off handle!...... I felt sinful and guilty as I could not ignore the second fellow and felt more and more drawn towards him. I chose to ignore the fact that the longing for my husband had imperceptibly faded off just like the henna on my hands. My resolve to concentrate and study seemed to be gradually slipping away too, donating its time to hours of contemplation and scheming, enjoying and hoping to consolidate the growing second relationship. Disaster struck on the first of January 1994, hardly eight months post-marriage. My husband was with me for the weekend when my new sweetheart chose to make his presence felt.

It happened at bedtime, after we had a hearty dinner and were about to retire. The pain was terrible and it scared the hell out of me. Was it signifying the end of a blossoming relationship? I began to cry even as I was rushed to the hospital. I was diagnosed as having pre-term labor, slightly elevated blood pressures and the outcome of the event was guarded. There was nothing more left for me to do except wait. I was under absolute bed rest, medications, laboratory tests, and to make matters worse, my national board exams were due in less than six weeks.

I finally managed to attend my National Board Exams at St. John’s Medical College, Bangalore on the 7th and 8th of February 1994. (First Monday and Tuesday of February, as it is always conventionally held). Eight and half months pregnant, on medications to prevent miscarriage and save the baby, face swollen beyond recognition (a few of my male class mates who were also taking exams had to be told who I was before they recognized me!), only my determination to write my exams and then deliver, kept me going, much to the dissatisfaction and frustration of my obstetrician. I was determined to deliver twins-pass exams and pass out through labor room, in that order, in flying colors and with a cuddly rainbow respectively!

Even as I wrote the punishingly tough exams, I had to keep a tab on the number of fetal movements and any untoward symptom that could crop up. My husband would wait anxiously outside the exam hall with a huge lunch carrier for the break and a car ready to whisk me off to the hospital if necessary! Two days of four papers, three hours each! At the end of the three hours, I would come out of the hall, slippers in hand, as the feet would be so swollen, refusing to slip back into the slippers! Finally...one target had been achieved and the second and most important was yet to be delivered. I handed over myself to my belligerent obstetrician who finally heaved a sigh of relief. A battery of blood tests, scan, NST followed. I was admitted on Saturday, the 12th February and underwent Cesarean Section on the Valentine’s Day-14th February 1994.

So, there you have it. My most memorable Valentine’s Day. When in the true meaning of the word, love’s labor had fructified despite or rather amidst all odds and adversities. I had the most adorable male baby mewing and plucking in my arms-my second sweetheart who was gifted to me by my first one, on our first Valentine’s Day, post-wedding! The most cherished Valentine Day gift any girl can hope to get from a soul mate.

Thus will my most memorable Valentine’s Day be remembered by everyone in the household for at least three generations, as my son celebrates his birthday on that day! (I can envisage the bevy of girls who will wish him on his birthday with actually the Valentine’s significance in their minds. Lucky girls, lucky son!)

If you are wondering whether the date for the delivery was intentionally chosen to be the Valentine’s Day, the answer is a resounding NO! Back in the early 90’s, 14th February was not as pompously celebrated as it is today. Not many knew the significance or the story behind this western custom. The decision was made by my obstetrician, who was anxious to curtail any further complications. For my husband and me, it was THE day when our son was born- overcoming all the horrible travails I had to undergo during pregnancy. Thus we bonded ourselves into a cozy Valentine family! Unwittingly, we had redefined the meaning of Valentine’s Day, promoting it from a routine duet to a delightful anthem of enchantment and celebration for the rest of our lives! 

Friday, February 8, 2013

Dubai Diary 1-First foot forward





Dubai is an overwhelming city. Doubly so, if you have to start work from the first day of setting foot on foreign soil. 

As per employer arrangement, I was entitled to board and lodge at their decent hotel till I found a suitable accommodation for myself. Three weeks after hotel stay, I had not seen any of Dubai as work and rest consumed my days. Little surprise that I liked the idea, when a friend suggested I move into a fully furnished apartment before renting a larger house which needed to be furnished. I put my preference to the HR guys and put them on job. I liked the first fully furnished apartment that was shown to me!

It was rather large to qualify as a studio apartment but that was what they called it. Flat 112 on the first floor of a very decent building; in the popular and well connected Bur Juman area…I agreed to take it though they told me it was tagged high even by Dubai standards. The owner is a stubby, extremely fair skinned Pakistani with yellow teeth and seemed like a rich brat to me. He was relentless at reducing the price though I later discovered that he had charged me a cool 500 dirhams more than the previous occupant who was another young chap-a commerce-business graduate from Jaipur who was in Dubai for a training and was hoping to set up business here too shortly!

“No…”he had said shaking his mop of jet black hair and squinting through thick glasses, “There is TV, wifi, A/C…” I need to cover the maintenance expenses as well,” he said. I stared at him wondering how he planned to use this pocket money that he would be receiving as rent.

“Someone told me subletting was illegal?”

“Yeah. But I will put down the tenants as my guests…Did you find any problem? “He asked of the commerce tenant who shook his head, shuffled his feet and stole a glance at his wrist watch for he had to meet someone if we finished looking up the place quickly.”Two months before there was a girl from Cathay Pacific and she shifted to Abu Dhabi…No problem Doctor…all Indian families around…No one will question,” and looking at my still skeptic face, he added, “I have seventeen apartments all over Dubai and am into this business and I can assure you!” My doubt was cleared. He was a rich brat indeed! He mistook my look of realization for relief and added,”But I need to be paid early… I won’t take off the ad off till I am paid!”

Money exchanged hands the next afternoon in the parking lot before the building. He came to my vehicle where I was sitting and grinned,”I am getting married next month…will drop in for a chat and chai!”

“Oh! Get her too?!”

“Yeah.We are going to France and Versailles for honey moon. Bye,” he was gone. The apartment was mine 2 days later and I moved in-obviously the right foot in first at half past two on the Sunday afternoon, ensuring it was well clear of the Rahukala! Richie Rich had ensured that a man came in to clean the apartment which appeared hardly used, especially and obviously the kitchen, given the antecedents of its previous occupant. 

“What’s the wifi password?” was obviously the first ever communication (as a mobile SMS) that went out of my room within minutes of entering! The young landlord replied promptly. Net in, I attacked the TV next. Etisalat desk top box was most unkind to me. One hour after wrestling with remote, confusing it with various combinations, I managed to keep the frame hung for the next 24 hours!!

So…a quiet room. But not for long. I had a load of clothes that need to be washed and I thrust them into the welcoming washing machine. And oh!! I had never heard a washing machine before, only seen its aftermath clothes! This one whined and whirred like a supersonic jet…Uff so much fanfare for so little work, I thought though inwardly thankful for some noise in a TV-less room! No outside sounds filter in to its closed confines…

True that adversity breeds invention. I began to identify all the other noises that now seem a part of urban life in Dubai. The air conditioners…ever so soft but with a mechanical shudder every once a while…so also the fridge – a soft whirr that gradually grows into a roar and it is only then it becomes apparent…and as you begin to think how you missed such a loud sound, it climaxes and goes silent! (Noticed this fridge sound phenomenon first in Bangalore, though)Then there is that exhaust fan in the bathroom that needs to be kept on. That provides a background constancy to all these other waxing and waning sounds. The microwave is the only one which has a musical lilt to its voice and I have begun to identify it as the only female gadget in here! It gives a loud lilting tling-ling when it is done! And of course the good old tick-tock of the clock keeps company too. 

The TV ‘s frame was still frozen when I came back on Sunday night and so the next morning, I resorted to playing music on the laptop as I grew tired of the mechanical symphony of my surroundings. And then when the laptop ran out of charge, I discovered that the plug points here cannot take the round Indian plugs! They needed squares plugs and that meant an adapter and another afternoon of soundlessness! My laptop went blank with a shrug of helplessness! What an emergency that was to an existence dependant on rechargeable gadgets!

So in all desperation, as I was now aware that work was the only place where I could recharge my laptop and phone, I bought the costliest adapter that evening. And burnt it on plugging it, the loud sound and the aftermath soot scarring me…but egging me on to further foolishness as I believed the fault to be with the plug point and not the plug! I attempted to plug at another point. This time. I kept the main door open, just to ensure someone rushed for help if I got electrocuted in the process.

Another bang and soot stain later, I was stranded! Whom could I call at 11 in the night? Could they be so callous here? (I later realized that the plug was defective or maybe I hadn’t pushed it in sufficiently) They expected Beans like me and had made the place secure with exclusive lighting, heating and all else. The multiple controls and the ELCB panel were at reach and adversity mothering innovation; I flipped the switch at controls! The power was restored and the next blessed moment, after I flipped the switch, the TV came alive in all its glory!!

The adapter was exchanged for a new one the next day. That meant all gadgets would be kicking and booting healthy…audio-video-net behaving well…and I have plenty of time to debate and think to swat or not to swat a lonely fat fly!

That then ensures now that my home is where it was meant to be. In my heart!!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Crossing the border...India to Nepal...Nepal Tidbit 7




No man's land


It was nearly one in the noon when we reached the Indian- Nepal border at Sunauli by road from Ghorakpur.
“The vehicles are not allowed to cross.” the drivers said, stopping the two Toyota Innovas a few meters from the Indian immigration office at the border.
“Oh! How do we cross?”
“Why, just by walking across, of course!”
“Oh? And the luggage?” Already 5 cycle rickshaw fellows had surrounded us, tanned faces and tattered-dusty clothes with muscular arms and dirt laden fingers, ready to haul the luggage onto their waiting cycles.
We learn that Indians can cross over freely and don’t need to show the passports.
Someone began bargaining and someone shifting the luggage. I took a stroll towards the border. The Indian side of the border is a dusty, crowded street which is choked with vehicles and pedestrians. Nepali women saunter along, chatting and hauling their laden shopping bags, foreign tourists with huge back packs are also going across. The shops along the street sell everything from grocery, electronic goods, and SIM cards to clothes, toys and toiletries. There are shops with ‘Money Changers’ boards which means they exchange Indian to Nepali currency and vice versa. 1 Indian Rupee(INR) = 1.6 Nepali Rupee(NC)  (The word reminds me of Arthur Hailey’s book of the same title and an ATM teller with a terrific memory,  who knows just exactly how much money she has  and has given away as transactions that day in the bank! Can’t recall her name though she plays an important role later in finding out a hideout, I think.)
 The shop keepers look at the passing people in boredom, as if the same ones cross over everyday.Understandable. But ditto the security personnel at the borders!
Security and not alert? I wonder what anyone should do to catch their attention. I purposefully slow down in my tracks knowing fully well that as much as I try, I can never manage to look anymore suspicious than a curious aunty! I can’t stop thinking…they are supposed to be guarding the border…Anything or anyone can just walk across…They can’t just keep chatting and picking their teeth and glance cursorily at people passing this way and that. This is the border, for heaven’s sake… and just look at the rickshaw wallas lugging all those huge suitcases. Anyone can have anything. I watch them and they ignore all the traffic. I suddenly realize I am shamelessly staring at men and as I just look off, one chap asks,
” Kahan se?”
“Bengloor.” I say nonchalantly and continue walking towards the Nepali arch. There is about 80-100 feet of no man’s land between the two arches. I explain to my daughter that this part is neither India nor Nepal. However, on the right side, I see an ugly windowless brick building encroaching from the Indian side onto the no-man’s land! ”Oh! Land mafia has no barrier…” I think. Were it less exciting times, I would have gone and checked what the building was.  
At the Nepali arch are security men in different colored uniforms of course(blue and white fatigues), but same demeanor.
I return to find out how much the haggling and transport of luggage has progressed. On a spur I enter a mobile shop and ask for a Nepali SIM card. Two shops and several bored shaking of heads later, I decide I will buy it from the Nepali side.
Meanwhile, the deal has been struck for hundred Nepali rupees per cycle rickshaw and the rickshaw wallas are already pushing their vehicles as we walk alongside. (They don’t cycle. They just push it)
We are walking on the left side of the road. The India Immigration office is on the right side, a few meters before the arch way. Several non-Indian foreign tourists are having their documents verified. The desk is almost jutting out to the road from the insides of a dinghy room. Suddenly a stocky short man in Khaki uniform materializes amidst us. Says something in a low voice and the rickshaw wallas have also stopped.
“What?”
“He’s asking for money.”
“Why? Besides we are still on the Indian side.”
The rickshaw fellows look at us as if,”why are they even thinking twice about this transaction?”
“Hey don’t pay,” I say as the men reach out to their wallets. “Let him check our entire luggage. Let him.” Someone seconds me.
“But he may purposely delay checking…it will hamper all our plans..” By then a note of one hundred Indian rupees has changed hands over to the waiting hands of Mr. stocky, fly- mustache. He waits grumbling for more. The rickshaw wallas start moving as if cuing us.
‘Saab, nahin dena tha,” they say conspiratorially after a few steps! 
We cross the Indian arch, no-man’s land with that encroachment and the Nepali arch.No one bothers. A few feet further a group of 3-4 men and 2-3 women sit beneath a makeshift station.I don’t know if they are Government people or just curious Nepalis.
‘Kahan?”They ask giving an overall to our crowd and luggage.
“Mukthinath.”
“Hmm,” they say getting back to their conversation. 
We are now in Nepal. Rupandehi. As agreed the rickshaw chaps take us to hotel where we plan to have lunch. They are unloading our luggage.
As the older man picks up the last one, a 2-3 foot black-sheathed piece he yells-“Gon.gon” (Gun)I rush  back to see him holding it up very casually. My God! We have just crossed the border and are at a sprinting distance from there and this chap is shouting gun so loudly!
“Abbe chup! Who gun nahi hai. Zor se aisa mat bol!” (Shut up! That is not a gun. Don’t yell)
“Gon nahi?”
“Nah!” I say bursting out and calling to my cousin-“Look here. This guy has mistaken your camera tripod for a sten gun!”And so the tripod became ‘The gun’ for the rest of the trip!