Apart from the obvious answer that comes to us-“To meet old friends,” I realised there is a much deeper yearning in the pleasurable activity of meeting old friends and school mates.
For the first timers meeting after a long gap of many years, there is a fear of not being able to recognise someone or match a face to a name. But there is something unique in the memory records of an adolescent. The records are in indelible ink and so need only a lusty breath of fresh air to blow away the dust that has settled on it. The physical forms of yesteryears suddenly seem the same, if you discounted for those waxing waistlines and waning hairlines! Beneath that adult face or beyond those eyes now framed by corrective glasses, we can still recognise the lurking child who was the school mate!
In these meetings, we subconsciously hope to reach out to a part of our past, groping for that hand hold, trying to decipher the first step from where we started and became what we are today. We want to peek in to our past and try to recognise how much of us is still the same today as it was so many decades or years ago. When our old friends remind us of so many anecdotes, antics and dialogues that we have forgotten, it suddenly reveals to us how much of those free fun filled years we had to let go to become our solemn selves of today. The meeting transforms us back to those years as we wonder what verve of those forgotten days we can still hope to bring back to our current life.
It is the perfect time to admit how awful we feel about something that we had done so many years ago. It is time to say that ‘sorry’ which we never had said in adolescent ego and for which we had been repenting ever since. (Though the other person might have forgotten the whole episode) Exorcising those small ghosts suddenly clears many a misty path and opens up the rusty gates……
When we go back there, fearing the discovery of how much distant we might be from each other, comes the first stunner. No matter how different we are in our professions, social status or family responsibilities, we all still have something strong in common. Something which we feel we have a collective ownership to and which has remained same though a bit faded. I cannot put a name to it but it does bring in a lot of comfort to know that it is not just you who are being hounded by that particular problem or dilemma. There are others, your own buddies who are also sailing in the same boat-either against the tide or along with it! There is an immense consolation in knowing that they can also relate to it and feel the same way that you do! It seems that even after you parted ways after school, you have continued to grow together!
We watch our children grow into adolescence and suddenly we are the parents whom we had so hotly discussed as having a generation gap with, in our school days! We are the adults-but a small voice within begs to differ. It was always there when we were busy raising children. Only it rears its head boldly now, in the company of bygone friends. A pesky child, a naughty phrase, a shocking practical joke wants to come out. Unleash it. With absolutely no inhibitions. These are the people who had seen you in your boisterous worst and nothing can shock them further. They had accepted you then and feel it perfectly right to accept you now, even when you hoot and laugh and guffaw in a crowded afternoon luncheon!
This is the time then to stake claim to a wonderful memory of the past and forget what we are now. When it is done collectively, all those moments come back vividly juggling our own memories until a wheel of nostalgia is set in motion. The wheel shuttles within the group, back and forth, slowly and suddenly, haltingly and quickly, bearing out all those hours, days, conversations, tribulations and triumphs which made our world of adolescent years. A forgotten name suddenly gets a physical description, the picnic that we had or the play that we put up all come surging back in minute details. Punishments that were meted out to the class now come in for a sharp dissection as the protest and indignation that could not be obviously registered then finally finding a vent today! The teachers, their mannerisms, attitudes, knowledge, favouritism all come under the scanner again but with none of the bitterness, indignation or defiance of the teen days.
We begin to see things in their correct perspective thinking that it is because we have grown older and more mature. Little do we realise that the collective dissection that we did has done a lot to clear our skewed vision of not just these petty topics but of many more things in our real adult life. The fleeting glimpse into the past has been a catharsis ridding us not only of the mundane everyday tensions but also infusing a fresh outlook into our minds.
Its magic is to make us feel young again. By that feeling, we begin to perceive things around us with the ease of a young mind coupled with the responsibility of an adult. We learn to infuse a laxity to our rigid stances, laughter into our tight faces and most of all understand all over again what it feels to be a teenager. Understand that retort or that adamant stance of our sons without interpreting it as rejection of authority, be discreet over the crush or blush that your daughter is hiding or just pretend to agree to their take on the latest policies of dress codes in campuses; though you would never agree now or even if you were a teenager yourself! There is great consolation in knowing that age stamps on all alike and it is OK to resort to camouflaging with the hair dyes, trendy clothes and throw in an occasional slang that you have stolen from your teen children!
And most of all we should be thankful that we had the good sense to come together and rejuvenate ourselves without being lost forever in the rigmarole of our mundane lives. We owe that much to ourselves. Next time when an old friend calls you saying he is in town and would love to meet you, don’t let the opportunity pass. Much as your punishing schedule precludes any free time, understand that it is in fact begging you for a reprieve.
Get away, meet him/her, become younger and mischievous, although for a short period of time and discover what it does to your adult self!
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| Catching the sunshine (pastels on paper) |
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